


the trouble with words

by StarrySkies282



Series: Heaven Help a Fool Who Falls in Love [16]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, Natasha Romanov Is Not A Robot, Natasha Romanov Needs a Hug, but it gets better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:21:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24232021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarrySkies282/pseuds/StarrySkies282
Summary: It was just an off-the-cuff comment, Natasha tried to tell herself. Something fleeting, nothing more.But her instincts told her otherwise.Even if she couldn’t read minds, she could read people.Enough to know Wanda wasn’t joking around, that there was some truth to her words.
Relationships: Wanda Maximoff/Natasha Romanov
Series: Heaven Help a Fool Who Falls in Love [16]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1424389
Comments: 6
Kudos: 77





	the trouble with words

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Hope everyone’s weekend is going okay :)  
> Here’s an update for you x

It was just an off-the-cuff comment, Natasha tried to tell herself. Something fleeting, nothing more.

But her instincts told her otherwise.

Even if she couldn’t read minds, she could read people.

Enough to know Wanda wasn’t _completely_ joking around, that there was some truth to her words.

She hoped that it would blow over.

Still though, she’s never really been good at handling personal situations.

Better at distancing herself, yes. Dealing with emotions from afar, when they weren’t hers, weren’t close to home. But Wanda was the messiness that was words and feelings, and its hard for Natasha.

She _could_ stay away. The old Natasha would have done it. Run. Thrown herself into training. Made excuses. Paperwork, missions, case files. Trained recruits, begged missions from Maria.

At first, Wanda doesn’t notice, and Natasha’s not sure whether to be happy about that or not. Yes, it meant they didn’t have to talk about it, but it also made her wonder. About their fragility. About how long now this could go on for. Part of her knew it wasn’t sustainable, that she’d have to confront this sooner or later. She’d prefer it to be later.

_‘Now we’re like a whole family, all we need is a kid.’_

It goes round and round in her mind.

She was hoping it would go away, that maybe Wanda will stop thinking about it. But Natasha knows she won’t. If she’s learnt anything, it’s that if it was something that slipped out in passing, she’s been thinking about it awhile.

And every time she sees her it’s just a reminder.

She calls Wanda from the quinjet. Tells her she’s going to the compound for debriefing, that she’ll be home tomorrow morning.

“I missed you,” she hears that voice.

“Me too,” says Natasha. Because she does.

Wanda thinks Natasha is working too hard. That Steve and the others are overworking her.

“You need to rest,” Wanda tells her one night.

Natasha wishes she could. It’s not the work that’s tiring her, but the thoughts threatening to eat her up from the inside.

She can never give Wanda what she wants.

She’s seen her with Nate. Playing with him, looking after him. She hates that she can’t give that to her. Hates herself for it.

“I’m fine,” is all she says.

She lies there, hearing Wanda’s breath even out, feeling her heart beat from where she’s pressed into Natasha’s side.

Natasha has never felt further away.

Something needs to be done. She needs to fix this, even if to Wanda maybe things don’t look broken. It’s hard but she has to; Wanda means everything to her. This time, she can’t run.

Natasha Romanoff had dealt with many things over the course of her life. Had a plethora of experience when it came to handling situations, always known the right words and tone to use.

So why now was it so hard? Where once words had fallen from her lips, silky smooth, they now stuck like glue, tar-like in her mouth.

She’s sitting opposite Wanda in the kitchen after her morning run, watching her potter about, making them a breakfast she knows she doesn’t deserve.

Her mind works, silently, trying to find a way in to the conversation. Wanda engages in small talk, her plans to fill their balcony with all sorts of plants: flowers, herbs, vegetables.

She responds, all the same. But her voice sounds far-off and unfamiliar.

_You need to get it together,_ she tells herself. _You have to do this. For both of you_. _Tell her what’s on your mind._

The opportunity, she finds, doesn’t come until after they’ve eaten.

(Or maybe it’s that she’s just been stalling)

They’re both sitting, curled up on the sofas, Natasha on one, Wanda on the other, reading. Or at least, Wanda is. Natasha is pretending, waiting for the right moment to talk.

“I’ve been thinking,” she says finally. “About what you said the other day.” She hopes her voice doesn’t sound as shaky as she feels.

Perhaps it’s the tone she’s using, or the expression on her face, but when she catches the brunette’s eye, she sees the concern held in them.

“What do you mean?”

Taking a deep breath, she chooses her tone carefully. “I’m sorry I can’t give that to you.”

What— _Oh_. Wanda understands what she means, what she’s getting at. She curses herself for being so careless as to let that slip.

“Honestly, I want everything for you. But this I—well you know-“ she pulls at her hair in frustration and disgust.

There, it’s coming out. And it’s all messy.

And then Wanda is there, by her side, but Natasha’s not done yet. She wants it all out. So she shifts, turning to look her in the eye.

“Hey,” Wanda says softly, “it’s okay,” and Natasha lets out a sound like an injured animal and knows it, wanting nothing more than to hide her face in the sofa cushions.

“You deserve so much more, I want everything for you, Wanda. But I can’t. A kid, it’s just the one thing I can’t give you. And I’m sorry.”

She’s said it all. She waits for Wanda to be mad or tell her she’s being stupid. It doesn’t happen.

Instead, Wanda just holds her and she feels all the pent-up tears streaking their way down her face, hating how weak she is right now.

What did she ever do to deserve someone like Wanda?

“And this has been weighing on your mind all this time?” It’s just a question, more of a statement, nothing accusatory at all but Watasha cringes inwardly at the way it sounds regardless. They’re supposed to be a team. She should have said something before. Or brushed it off, treated it as just a fleeting comment.

“Y-es,” her own voice comes back, barely a whisper.

“Nat,” Wanda says, her own heart breaking for Natasha, for this pain, for how she didn’t notice this sooner. “You know I love you, nothing could change that. Of course I couldn’t blame you for this.” Natasha wants so desperately to believe that’s true, that she’s still _whole_ , that Wanda’s still _here_.

“I’m here, Natasha.” And then, “no. Don’t apologise. There’s nothing to apologise for. Yes, kids are nice. But there are other ways. Family isn’t always biological. You of all people should know that,” Wanda continues, cracking a smile that Natasha returns, albeit a little wobbly.

“Thank you,” says Natasha, voice still a little unsteady. But there’s a new light in her. Maybe things could be alright again.

Wanda holds her close, lacing their fingers together.

“In any case,” says Wanda brightly, “I’d rather adopt. There are so many kids out there who’d benefit from a home, a family. I know Pietro and I would have. There’d be something... fulfilling in it,” she ends, a little wistfully.

“You mean it?”

“Every word. Though I think there’ll be a lot of planning first,” she smiles, trying to make light of things.

That can come later, thinks Natasha as she curls into Wanda, savouring the moment. They’re growing. _She’s_ growing.

For the first time in two weeks, she feels at peace.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading X


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